It’s hard being a father in a modern world

Its hard to keep on going when everything seems so stacked up against fathers. I am off to see my solicitors tomorrow even though I can guess what he will say. 

It’s been about 2 years since the break up with the mother of our child, at first I had regular time our son. At the time we had no plans to see each other, as it made difficult sofa sufing .whist my friends were more than happy for my son to visit or stay the travel time between would a have meant spending any time together in the car. Costa and Mcdonald’s were the last resort if swimming was out. So decided to see him on Sunday’s then other things were put in the way. At the suggest of outside influences my son asked we could have a short break. I didn’t like it but agreed as long as we could speak once a week on the phone. 

Then out of no where I get a call from a social worker She advised me that my son had been referred to them after me had called the police telling them that he was scared of me. 

So social worker arranged to visit spent a hour or so with me asked lots of questions. Went away did a report closed case no reason for my son not to spend time together.

The social work had let slip that x had called the police then handed phone to my son. This all started after the Mother had been caught in a lie by our son about a situation with some she had been seeing. Whilst the interference of a third person  didn’t help and as usual I was the last person to find out, our relationship was probably heading for the rocks. 

The phones calls became more and more difficult with the mother alway listening then my calls not be answered. I had been in formed that my son had been taken to see a child psychologist Who had referred him to a therapist because he had developed OCD and post traumatic stress syndrome. It took a bit of time to track the therapist down as the mother had been uncorporative and secretive. After serval phone calls with the therapist a was advised to have a total break from my son, just to send emails. It was surpost to be a short term measure to give her time to work him.

The end result of this therapy was the therapist washer her hands of my son and saying that family therapy was needed and without son wouldn’t recover. As I would do anything  to help our son I tried to put this in place to no avail.

I would get an email asking me to meet my son in a garden centre restaurant where he wants to ask me why I had been such a bad dad. You know when something is just the wrong. Happy to meet my son just didn’t think this was the right environment. Made some other suggestions like at the therapist he had seen or family centre all ignored.

During this time I continued to send emails and postcard with no reply then one Friday he reached out and asked if I could take him to MacDonalds on Saturday I rearranged work so l could. We had a lovely time.

Later during the week get another request this time could we go swimming on the Sunday, I was away so suggested after  school. We went again had great time he asked to go for something to eat as he didn’t have to take him home until later.

Had food then still had time for a walk. During the next couple of weeks I emailed invites to spend time together, all are turned down or just ignored. Then it starts again about meeting in a garden centre restaurant and wanting to tell me what a bad dad I have been. 

Further offers from myself to meet in in the right environment where my son can be safe and we can have some guidance. Just ignored!

I go back to sending emails and postcards then he reached out again months later  this time could we go fishing something we used to do together. I was working the next long week end at a local county fair its always a fun thing to do so invited son over. I arrange for him to be picked up and his mum would collect him. He then  emails me and asks if he could stay longer and help me pack up as his mum wanted to pick him up early. Fine with me. We had great time. When he wasn’t helping with customers he was off with exhibitor been shown exciting things.

This is a boy that is so stressed  and afraid of people, sort of conflicted with all the comments about what confidence he had as a father made me proud. 

We started a regular trips fishing, movies etc . He insisted we spend Father’s Day together. Then my invites start getting turned down. 

Next get a call from a new child psychologist telling me she had seen Our son as mother had again taken him re OCD and post tramtic stress . Arranged to see them in between a letter lands on my door mat, it describes  the meeting with son his mother and her boyfriend. All in the room together at no time was he seen on his own. a section about the home I live in which is dirty  no banerstair with used drugs needle left lying around from my Multiple sclerosis treatment. It didn’t  sound safe for me to be in let alone a place I would let a child go to.

This letter was copied into my doctor and worse to my sons school. 

I kept my appointment with this psychologist let her know how unhappy about the letter I was . I did get to point out the effort I had made to get his mother to agree to mediation or family therapy . 

Again it was agreed they would set up this therapy, the first appointment made its was surpost to be all of us then it changed now they wanted to see his mother first then two weeks later me. Then two weeks after that it was ment to be mother son and me. Then I get another call they want to see me on I own again. They needed to clear up some issues. They wanted to know why I had not gone to visit my son on his birthday when I had been invite to pop in and surprise him by the boyfriend. No matter how much I want to see my son it just didn’t feel like the right thing to do as had seen him for months surprise him in front of his friends. Thought it best to check with the psychologist couldnt get hold her but spoke to the team leader of the child mental health centre who also felt it would have been the wrong thing to do.

After I explained this appointment was set in another 2 weeks for all three us. I turn on time shown into the room, it then took 45 minutes to get then into the room at one stage it was like a comedy sketch with my son doing his impression of  Harry Worth You might need to be English and certain age to rember him ( https://youtu.be/f189hOfyYSY)

When he did come into the room out came piece of paper with a list of question on he got to ask one and time had run out. The next in another 2 weeks I was shown into the room again guess what the mother had emailed and phoned the centre five after session was booked for to say they weren’t turning up.

Christmas comes and goes the only communication with from him was an email telling me what he wants as a present. The shop. Code and price I emailed back saying I would take him shopping next time we are together.

Now mid Jan get weird text from the telling son has sent me a letter and I should apologise for everything.

So here goes I am sorry American voted for trump that the uk decided to leave Europe and climate change As for being a father who only ever wants his son to be happy no 

Thanks for reading my rant 

Speak soon